Living in the moments

I thought it is better to share this experience with all of you...
I know it is a long time I never posted anything on my blog, I feel bad why I did not do that
Why I was far away from my heart and my bleifs, two years, busy with normal life and try to make everything work, try to fix the life which I am not belong to...

Try to fit myself in someone's life, abandoning my friends and try to be someone else...

I did a mistake and for solving that mistake, I did another one and on and on

suddenly opened my eyes and I saw myself as different person, lost and confused without any reason to live and no aim in his life....

A person apart from this nature but belong to it, a sun which is painted with black.....

I did this to myself, stopped talking to my heart and just heard what my mind wanted to tell me and that was my mistake....
Mind is not for trust, mind is just instrument to judge....
Heart is for trust, for love and for eternity...
painting my soul with logics, cover the walls of my heart with some reasons which my mind project it on me....

That was my mistake, I lied to myself... I never belongs to my mind, I tried to think, in place of feeling, I tried to exist in place of living....

Being far away from touch of my finger tips, and just stand and watch and judge....
I went through that, let someone take control of my life and fill it with green notes of dollars..
Yes I sold my heart to money and tried to convince myself I did it for her...

No one wants to feel guilty, neither do I? Thats why I did that mistake....
I stopped feeling and start judging and just told to myself, Everything is in control and that was the moment I did that wrong turn...

and start to go far far away from my heart, without hearing that my heart is shouting come back still I can forgive you....

Leaving the moment and living in the past or future, thats what I did...
Closing my heart and open my eyes and see what my brian wants to see...

But two weeks ago, everything turned around, the beautiful future which my brain had trust in it, broke and for the first time, in last two years I cried, I felt my tears are washing my heart, they are taking away the logics which my brain approved them and let my heart to be shine one more time....

I am paying for that trust now, and the cost was loosing my poem's book which I was writting it for 15 years but at last I got the chance to live once again not with my brain,
not for past, nor future but for my heart, to just live in the moments